Why? I really don't know why it happens with me time after time. I wanna know but it scares me. It makes me suffer. I wanna get it but i can't. I just want to be happy, nothing else, but because of some reason it's impossiple for me. Why? I know nothing about it. Just nothing... These thoughts make me crazy. They hurt me. Sometimes it seems to me that happiness is not for me and I have any other way to live. Is it just?! Oh, fuck!!!! My heart is breaking. Time after time I have to rise from the ashes. I don't know how long I can do it... I don't have enough of strenth. Why did he send me that cruel message? Why did he want her to stay at his house? Did he want just to help? But help whom? Me? Her? What hell did he think? He knew that I would like to stay instead her. He knew that! He knew... He knew because I said him yesterday... He could guess that it can hurt me. But he didn't care... Who cares at all? It's my own problem and I should solve that by myself. Welcome to adult world, Anya. Wake up! It's not a wonderland and you're not beautiful princess. You're not smart enough to be with him. You've alredy given him all what he wanted. Why is it so painful?.. I have a ring which is Misha's gift, I put it always and everywhere... maybe I'm damned? What happens if I take it off? maybe I should try someday... who knows?