One more night, one more talk. Every night I try to say you "good night, Joel". If you had known that you would have thought "are you crazy, baby?". Yep, I'm crazy, Joel. It looks like I'm really crazy. Every day, every fucking day I'm thinking about you, about how things could be... And you know there are too many things to doubt. Firstly it's you. What you are thinking about. What you are worrying about. What work you do. What you do when you are in Tokyo. What peolpe you meet. I would like to know all these things butI know nothing for sure about you. I would like to know not because I wanna control you. I'm just interested in all what you are connected with. It looks like mania I guess. And it is but not for me. Every your word is full of sense for me, especially now when I'm so far from you. Secondly it's my own future. Can I find a job to live the same country with you? Can I?.. Some days ago you said I need to find any work just to recieve working visa. Any work... Did you really mean ANY work? What would you say if I started working as a hostess? I was looking for a job by different web-sites but... the only work I can apply is being hostess. If I were lucky I could find any other vacancy... And maybe I can when I come to Japan. But if it is the only possibility to be in Japan... What will you say? What will I do? Can I work as a hostess just to be with you? Will you want to be with me if I'm a hostess? That's question. I don't know if I love you so much to do that kind of work... I'm not sure. And I don't know if you like me so much to be blind to that. Thirdly I'm afraid of being in other country without any guarantees. Yes, I can come back to Russia any time but it's not that problem. I mean I don't know if we can live together. Well if I can't find a job, it'll be just 3 months but I remember sometimes you wanna sleep alone, be alone... What will I do? Stay at the hotel? Some stuff you said makes me to hope for the best but I still have a lot of doubts. That's ok i guess but... Who am I for you? Just daddy's girl? Or... I know you like me. I know it for sure but it's not enough for me to come.

Sweet little child
You know nothing
About the cold world outside
You're too young to realize
What he wants from you tonight